The highly subjective and judgmental issue of what constitutes a nice female posterior is an extremely frequent subject of conversation. But then, I believe that discussion of
the female form constitutes one of the most important subjects of discourse in Western culture — the appreciation of the beauty of the booty, its sexuality, and its place in the tradition of the nude in art. This is not a new thing. For example, the adjective callipygian is hundreds of years old and is based upon an ancient statue of Aphrodite narcissistically admiring her own butt reflected in water, originally in the Sanctuary of Aphrodite in Syracuse (Sicily, not New York, Michele - Yes, I know it’s your alma mater).callipygian–adjective - having well-shaped buttocks. Also, callipygous. Origin: 1640–50; Gk kallipýg ( os ) with beautiful buttocks; referring to a statue of Aphrodite ( kalli- calli + pyg ( ḗ ) rump + -os adj. suffix) + ian
There are those who insist that there is a GOLD STANDARD of female derriere today, and that it's known as t
he APPLE BOTTOM, formerly the HEART SHAPE. What?? This makes very little sense. The only apples I have ever seen shaped like bums, good or bad, are misshapen freaks. Maybe an apple upside down... or tomato. Or maybe a pear. (This, of
course, is not to be confused with overall body type. A woman's bust, waist, and hips are her physical inflection points, and the ratios of their circumferences are used to define her basic shape. These are sometimes described as banana, pear, apple or hourglass shapes. A banana is straight, a pear hippy, an apple wide-shouldered, and an hourglass, well, you know. The banana and apple shapes are considered somewhat androgynous - sorry girls. An hourglass, on the other hand, points us in the right direction.)I don't think the perfect feminine derriere is shaped like a fruit of any kind. The perfect posterior simply has excellent symmetry, form, and structure. It is full, round, and shapely, while also being taut, firm, and compact. Above all, it must simply be aesthetically appealing, nicely curved and sleek, with beautiful contours. A pert, shapely, well-rounded derriere is a good derriere, round and full buttocks being the key, with shapely curves and feminine voluptuousness.
In all fairness, in researching this blog, I ran across more than a few shapely male bottoms. Not to be negative though, they lack a certain something... that softness and voluptuousness that is present in even a very taut and firm female derriere. Butt let’s not go off on a tangent.
So the combinations and permutations of the features that make up a fine female derriere may be too numerous to elaborate. In any case, there are a huge number of variations on good booty out there, and I will not attempt to categorize them all. I will give mention, however, to the latest attempt to quantify bootyliciousnes by an English psychologist named David Holmes:
In this procedure, a woman assesses her assets on a scale from 1 to 20 (20 being best) in the following categories: S = overall shape, C = circularity, B = bounciness (less is preferred), F = firmness, and T = skin texture. She then calculates this: V = the ratio of hips to waist. (Interestingly, despite wide differences in preferences for body type, scientists have discovered that the waist-hip ratio is strongly correlated to the perception of attractiveness across all cultures.) And plugs it all into this formula: (S+C) x (B+F) / (T-V)
The closer she is to 80, the better. But once again, this attempt at measurement is based upon extreme subjectivity.
There is one specific feature, however, that is left out, and that I think truly
enhances the female posterior's ability to make a singular impression... This is whether or not it SMILES. If you've got one that does, hunny, you are IN LIKE FLYNN!!! (Flynn? Well, Samantha maybe...) And if you don't have one, or have one that FROWNS, you know that too :(So we’re back where we started. Like female baboons whose enflamed scarlet backsides ensnare their mates, so the human female's buttocks will beguile the male. We will continue to be influenced by the myth of the two Syracusian sisters, farmer's daughters, whose impeccably shapely hindquarters won them wealthy husbands. And, rightly or wrongly, we will continue to see all of life’s little wins and losses in terms of our booties. *SIGH*
By the way, Jennifer Lopez and Jessica Alba have vastly different posterior types, BUT THEY BOTH SMILE!
“Now there's a broad with a future behind her.”
Actress Constance Bennett, remarking upon Marilyn Monroe's derriere
