Sunday, October 24, 2010

Mad* Trite, and VERY Annoying

*Meaning similar to wicked or hella (neither of which have become trite yet, I don't think).


I could almost scream!!!!

These are the 12 most annoying expressions I hear almost every day, not in order of their frequency or anything else:

too much on my plate -Too busy (lazy) to take on more responsibility; only thinks about eating and is prolly full of whatever is on her plate.

on the same page - To look at an issue from the same perspective. (If it's the same book :=P )

no problem - What's no problem? Being nice? Doing your job? Are you too haughty to say "you're welcome"?

that's just wrong - Egregiously (or impossibly), but often just humorously, wrong... But sometimes it isn't wrong at all, just wrong. (I sorta like this one. It could have a permanent place in our idiomatic lexicon).

don't go there - When this is said, you are usually already on the subject to be avoided... Otherwise, self explanatory.

think outside the box - Hackneyed, but this one will stay with us. (Do the "Nine Dots Puzzle," a.k.a. the "Christopher Columbus Egg Puzzle." The solution lies outside the square.)

my bad - Baby talk... I did it, but don't hold me responsible. Use of an adjective instead of the noun "mistake" is intended to be cute, I guess.

go for it - Do I need your permission?

you go, girl - A portable Feminine Urination Device (FUD) http://www.go-girl.com/what-is-gogirl.asp. Allows a woman to pee anywhere, but provides no privacy. (Available in pink or camouflage.)

too much information - Usually not too much, just something you don't want to see, hear, etc., because it is distasteful, or like the You Go Girl FUD, just shouldn't be discussed in normal conversation.

I am not going to lie to you - Huh? I thought you were. (If you need to state that what you tell me next is not going to be a lie, you must have serious credibility problems.)

at the end of the day - Means when everything has been taken into consideration, this is the important thing... It took you a whole day? Or will it be an evening affair?


~~~


Though I have a very full plate, at the end of the day, it was no problem to think outside the box and devise a twelve-step program to limit your use of such expressions:


- Recognize that you have a problem habit (if you do).

- Pay Attention to when you use these phrases and how they sound.

- What is your reason for using the particular phrase?.

- Know that you want to stop to improve your presentation of self.

- Make a commitment.

- Learn to express yourself more effectively... not easy.

- Accept responsibility - only you can do this.

- Enlist support.

- Find suitable phrases for reflex situations.

- Punish yourself.

- Reward yourself.

- Persevere.

I’m not gonna lie to you. It’s difficult to change one’s habits. But that's all folks! I’m leaving the hard stuff up to you. Go for it! LOL.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Götterdämmerung

A lot of you have asked me about my name (pronounced Gutrune, gʊd'rūn'), and I usually point out that I named myself after a favorite actress, the lovely Gudrun Landgrebe (not well known in the U.S.). The original Gudrun, however, was a major figure in Norse mythology. She was really a very sweet person, but sometimes bad things happen to nice people. I hope this summary of the legend isn't too boring.

Gudrun (Guðrún Gjúkadóttir) had two brothers and a half brother: Gunnar, Hogni, and Gotthorm.

In the tale, Gudrun, who is without husband, falls in love with Sigurd. Sigurd himself is in love with the valkyrie Brynhilde, and pays no attention to Gudrun. Gudrun's brother Gunnar, however, wishes to marry Brynhilde, and this is impossible because Brynhilde has sworn to marry only a man who can defeat her in combat. Only Sigurd can do this. **SIGH**

Gudrun's ever-helpful mother provides a potion to make Sigurd forget his love for Brynhilde and recognize Gudrun's beauty and passion for him. However, Gunnar, exrecising his authority as Gudrun's brother, will allow Sigurd to marry Gudrun only under the condition that Sigurd also win Brynhilde for him. **DOUBLE SIGH**

Sigurd does this. Disguised as Gunnar, he passes Brynhilde's test, and an astonished Brynhilde accepts him as a suitor. The two queens, Gudrun and Brynhilde, are married on the same day.

Later, Brynhild and Gudrun are bathing together in the Rhine River (apparently comparing racks). Brynhilde comments that the water washing Gudrun will soon wash a greater beauty (herself?). Gudrun, more than a little annoyed at the remark, clues Brynhilde in. When Brynhilde learns that she had been tricked into marrying Gunnar, she plots revenge and (ashamedly) tells Gunnar that Sigurd had overstepped the bounds of propriety with her. Naturally, Gunnar gets very angry, and he has Sigurd killed (by Gotthorm). The vengeful Brynhilde goes on to kill Sigurd's three-year-old son, and wills her own self to die. When Sigurd's funeral pyre is aflame, Brynhilde throws herself upon it – thus passing on together into the realm of Hel.

Poor Gudrun is completely overwhelmed. Wracked with sorrow and delirious with grief, she predicts the death of her brother Gunnar. Out of her wits, she goes to live in the forest.

Meanwhile, King Atli's (Attila the Hun's) Hunnic Empire continues to grow. Although Atli had overthrown the Goths and seized many treasures, legends of gold and the beauty of Gudrun (YES!!!!) catch his interest. Atli wants both, and his Huns hasten westward.

Though not looking, our poor widowed queen has found another king to marry. Urged on by her mother, she marries Atli. Foremost in Atli's mind, however, is the rumored gold. Atli and Gudrun go to live in Hunland.

Eventually, obsessed by the idea of the gold, and thinking he can somehow get his hands on it , Atli summons Gunnar and his brother Hogni to Hunland. His herald claims that the King of the Huns wishes only for their assistance. He is growing old and wants his sons by Gudrun, Erp and Eitill, to have strong protectors after his death. He implies that Gunnar and Hogni might one day rule the Hunnic Empire in their names. Although Gunnar suspects a trap, he and Hogni make the trip.

When Gunnar and Hogni reach Hunland, the real reason for the invitation becomes apparent. At first Atli demands gold as the price for their lives. His huns burst out and rush them from their mead hall, but the brothers beat back the attack.

Seeing that the brothers are powerful fighters, he shifts tack to the idea that, since Gudrun is now his wife, they owe him the gold in compensation for Sigurd's death. Gunnar and Hogni know this is not Gudrun's idea, and besides the battle has already begun. They call upon their Goth allies amongst the huns, and carnage ensues in a battle for the mead hall. They capture Atli. Gudrun, however, pleads for his life. Mocking him as an unfit warrior, they let him go.

Atli then goes throughout the countryside rallying his warriors who return to beseige the mead hall. Finally they burn it forcing out the defenders and taking Gunnar and Hogni into captivity. Gudrun pleads for them, but Hogni is killed and Gunnar is cast into a pit of adders. Gudrun sends Gunnar a harp, and the music stills the snakes, except one, which bites him... Gudrun hears him cry out as he dies. Gudrun is once again heartbroken and furious.

There are Viking funerals for Gunnar, Hogni, and the fallen Huns, and a funeral feast is readied in the remains of Atli's mead hall and palace.

NOW FOR THE GOOD PART:

Finally appearing at the feast, Gudrun presents two goblets to her husband, toasting his health.

As he drinks deep from the goblets, Atli feels regret over the loss of the gold. However, he also feels satisfaction that Gunnar is dead. Gudrun then announces that, in vengeance for her brothers, she has slain their sons Erp and Eitil. The goblets were made from their skulls and had been filled with a mixture of their blood and honey. The remnants of their bodies have been fed to Atli's hounds. As the mead hall explodes in horror and anguish, Atli turns pale and falls into a swoon. He is carried to his bed, as sick though he had been poisoned.

Gudrun is not yet done. She enters his bedroom, wakes him, and drives a knife into his breast. She then sets fire to the hall.

Full of sadness and remorse and detesting her life, she tries to drown herself by jumping into the sea with an armful of stones. The waves find her revenge fitting, however, and instead of drowning her, carry her to Sweden, where she marries another king, Jónakr.
______________________________________________
N.B. ~ "It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings" is a reference to Brynhilde's famous death on the pyre in the opera Götterdämmerung. It means we should not assume the outcome of an activity. It plays upon an American working class perception of Grand Opera with overweight sopranos singing Brynhilde's final arias.

Various name spellings:

Atli = Attila
Brynhilde = Brynhildr, Brünhild, Brunhilde, Brunnhilda
Gudrun = Gutrune
Gunnar = Gunther
Hogni = Hagen
Sigurd = Siegfried


SOURCE: Various Wikipedia articles

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Another Lucid Dream

For any of you who are interested in a short erotic tale, you can find one here:

http://dreamaware.blogspot.com/

N.B. ~ As for the blog title, "Lucid Dreams" (or dreams you know you're having)... I personally have never had any problem daydreaming. For those of you who do (that is, those of you who want to daydream more, but don't know how), my blog links a "how-to" site on lucid dreaming. This blog promises that its techniques will allow you to control your dreams and make your dreams what you want when you want. LOL.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Gagapalooza, August 6-8, Chicago

A few years ago (2007) Lady Gaga was a side-stage act at Lollapalooza. Today she joins the other top billings - Soundgarden, Green Day, Arcade Fire, The Strokes, and Phoenix - headlining 100+ other groups and artists including Devo, Spoon, MGMT, The Black keys, Neon Trees, Empire of the Sun, et al.


Lollapalooza fans attending the festival will find it larger this year. Thirty five more acres of Grant Park will provide breathing space and boost attendance. (For the last two years attendance has been about 75,000 per day, pretty much what the existing space could handle.)


I'm pretty sure those of you that planned to go have already bought your discounted passes and made up your custom line-ups, LOL. Nevertheless, the tickets still available are $90 per day or $215 for a 3-day pass.


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Una Bella Gnocca

Summertime. Fun in the sun. Bikinis, daisy dukes, playsuits... My GF Michele insists that I have the best derriere in SL. For my part, I think hers is far better.

The highly subjective and judgmental issue of what constitutes a nice female posterior is an extremely frequent subject of conversation. But then, I believe that discussion of the female form constitutes one of the most important subjects of discourse in Western culture — the appreciation of the beauty of the booty, its sexuality, and its place in the tradition of the nude in art. This is not a new thing. For example, the adjective callipygian is hundreds of years old and is based upon an ancient statue of Aphrodite narcissistically admiring her own butt reflected in water, originally in the Sanctuary of Aphrodite in Syracuse (Sicily, not New York, Michele - Yes, I know it’s your alma mater).

callipygian–adjective - having well-shaped buttocks. Also, callipygous. Origin: 1640–50; Gk kallipýg ( os ) with beautiful buttocks; referring to a statue of Aphrodite ( kalli- calli + pyg ( ḗ ) rump + -os adj. suffix) + ian

There are those who insist that there is a GOLD STANDARD of female derriere today, and that it's known as the APPLE BOTTOM, formerly the HEART SHAPE. What?? This makes very little sense. The only apples I have ever seen shaped like bums, good or bad, are misshapen freaks. Maybe an apple upside down... or tomato. Or maybe a pear. (This, of course, is not to be confused with overall body type. A woman's bust, waist, and hips are her physical inflection points, and the ratios of their circumferences are used to define her basic shape. These are sometimes described as banana, pear, apple or hourglass shapes. A banana is straight, a pear hippy, an apple wide-shouldered, and an hourglass, well, you know. The banana and apple shapes are considered somewhat androgynous - sorry girls. An hourglass, on the other hand, points us in the right direction.)

I don't think the perfect feminine derriere is shaped like a fruit of any kind. The perfect posterior simply has excellent symmetry, form, and structure. It is full, round, and shapely, while also being taut, firm, and compact. Above all, it must simply be aesthetically appealing, nicely curved and sleek, with beautiful contours. A pert, shapely, well-rounded derriere is a good derriere, round and full buttocks being the key, with shapely curves and feminine voluptuousness.

In all fairness, in researching this blog, I ran across more than a few shapely male bottoms. Not to be negative though, they lack a certain something... that softness and voluptuousness that is present in even a very taut and firm female derriere. Butt let’s not go off on a tangent.

So the combinations and permutations of the features that make up a fine female derriere may be too numerous to elaborate. In any case, there are a huge number of variations on good booty out there, and I will not attempt to categorize them all. I will give mention, however, to the latest attempt to quantify bootyliciousnes by an English psychologist named David Holmes:

In this procedure, a woman assesses her assets on a scale from 1 to 20 (20 being best) in the following categories: S = overall shape, C = circularity, B = bounciness (less is preferred), F = firmness, and T = skin texture. She then calculates this: V = the ratio of hips to waist. (Interestingly, despite wide differences in preferences for body type, scientists have discovered that the waist-hip ratio is strongly correlated to the perception of attractiveness across all cultures.) And plugs it all into this formula: (S+C) x (B+F) / (T-V)

The closer she is to 80, the better. But once again, this attempt at measurement is based upon extreme subjectivity.

There is one specific feature, however, that is left out, and that I think truly enhances the female posterior's ability to make a singular impression... This is whether or not it SMILES. If you've got one that does, hunny, you are IN LIKE FLYNN!!! (Flynn? Well, Samantha maybe...) And if you don't have one, or have one that FROWNS, you know that too :(

So we’re back where we started. Like female baboons whose enflamed scarlet backsides ensnare their mates, so the human female's buttocks will beguile the male. We will continue to be influenced by the myth of the two Syracusian sisters, farmer's daughters, whose impeccably shapely hindquarters won them wealthy husbands. And, rightly or wrongly, we will continue to see all of life’s little wins and losses in terms of our booties. *SIGH*

By the way, Jennifer Lopez and Jessica Alba have vastly different posterior types, BUT THEY BOTH SMILE!

“Now there's a broad with a future behind her.”
Actress Constance Bennett, remarking upon Marilyn Monroe's derriere

Friday, July 2, 2010

Why Do Guys Think Nutshots Are Funny?

I left work and wuz picked up by my spouse yesterday evening in the midst of the Taste of Chicago mayhem across the street. Behold a group of teens (prolly students at my university) wuz trying to raise cash to go to Taste. One wuz wearing a huge blue animal head (Sonic the Hedgehog?) to attract attention.

For those of you who don't know, The Taste of Chicago is the world's largest food festival, held annually the 10 days leading up to the 4th (this year June 25th-July 4th). More than 50 restaurants attract literally millions to the Grant Park to enjoy a variety of food from popular restaurants serving ethnic and Chicago-style specialties. Events include live music by well-known artists on multiple stages, nightly film performances, and fireworks. The festival culminates in 4th of July fireworks at three locations along the City's 26-mile lakefront. All performances are free, but food tickets sold at the entrance are not.

So this group of kids wuz tryin to raise money for food tickets: $2.00 for a nutshot! :=P Needless to say, the car in front us of stopped (traffic wuz already standing still), and the young driver got out, paid his money, and gave it a shot. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Needless to say, age notwithstanding, spouse thought it hilarious.

This led me to ponder the popularity of nutshots, and WHY they seem funny, mainly to men... as a form of entertainment, or as a means of raising money? All I can say is that, going by this, it seems there are plenty of entertaining things at Taste BESIDES the acts. However, I wouldn't laugh if a girl got hit between her legs. I would feel bad for her. You would think that guys would feel another guy's pain, especially if the kick or the hit was hard enough to cause damage to the goods. Why do guys laugh?

I guess it's like slapstick really... comedy involving exaggerated violence and activities which exceed the boundaries of common sense. Some part of a guy's brain harkens back to the days when he used to watch cartoons as a kid. It's the humor of when somebody steps on a rake and gets slapped in the face by the pole, often found in children's cartoons and light film comedies aimed at younger audiences, I think it makes men laugh the most. It's more of a guy thing. A lot of girls will say the Three Stooges are the stupidest thing they've ever seen.

On the other hand, I'm sure that not all guys react to a nutshot with laughter. Some guys will grab their nuts, exclaim "OOOH~" and proceed to shudder uncontrollably. Personality probably has a lot to do with it. Or the circumstances of the nutshot itself.

Speaking of slapstick, some argue that this form of humor goes back to Church liturgical dramas in the Middle Ages, of all things, and some argue it was present in Greek and Roman theater as well. Beating the devil off stage was a stock comedic device in otherwise serious religious plays. But of course you couldn't kill him, whatever you did to him, LOL .

If I obtain added info on nutshots, I'll let you know :=P

Saturday, May 22, 2010

BBQ Tips - Your opinion isn't in my recipe, LOL!

These tips are not necessarily intended to all be used together. Also, my favorite stores and foods may not be yours. Don’t be judgmental… we’re all entitled to our opinions, LOL.

You already know how to grill stuff (zones, indirect, etc.), so I won't go into that, but I will say get a grill with a good ash-catcher so you don't burn down your deck. And always…

Choose the correct method of cooking for what you’re trying to prepare.

Rinse your meat (yes, it’s dirty). Rinse your vegetables too.

WATCH YOUR MEAT CLOSELY even if it seems to be taking a long time and you think you can relax with a cocktail. You can’t, LOL.

Unlike the center of a steak, the center of a burger can harbor germs. Cook ground beef to 155°F.

Marinate your chicken in bottled Italian dressing.

Marinate your steaks in bottled Italian dressing.

Coat your veggies with bottled Italian dressing.

Marinate your boneless pork loin in bottled Italian dressing. (Use several tablespoons, and wrap it in saran with sliced onions and minced rosemary and thyme overnight. If extra garlic is desired, pierce meat and insert slivers. Grill indirect for a little over an hour.)

If you want to, make your own Italian dressing, LOL.

If you wish to use to subsequently use your marinade as a sauce (rather than waste it), boil it.

Try white barbeque sauce on chicken, seafood, and pork. (1 qt. mayonnaise, 3/4 qt. apple cider vinegar, 1/2 c. corn syrup, 1/4 tbsp. cayenne pepper, prepared horseradish, lemon juice, salt and freshly ground black pepper) Use it in cole slaw and potato salad.

Buy good fresh sausage, Italian (Dominick’s is okay, hot and/or mild) or Polish (Andy’s in Chicago for all your Polish sausage needs, http://www.andysdeli.com/). Most ppl in Chicago eat Vienna hot dogs. If you live in upstate New York, like Michele, you prolly favor Zweigle's white hots over Vienna for hot dogs. Zweigle's ships these and a variety of other fresh and pre-cooked sausages nationwide (http://www.zweigles.com/order_online.asp).

Stuff your hamburgers with blue cheese (spread about a tablespoon of a mixture of equal parts blue and cream cheese with some parsley and onion powder between two 2 oz. patties and press together sealing the edge). These can also be marinated in red wine.

Slit your hot dogs and stuff them with cheddar cheese, then wrap them in bacon to hold it in. Also use some water soaked tooth picks. (This used to be called a "Francheezie" and was once a staple at every greasy spoon in Chicago. What ever happened?)

(Many things can be served with added strips of bacon, a la Razzie.)

Since these are barbeque tips, something needs to be said about pork ribs and especially tips. Spareribs are large but have the least actual meat. (There's a lot of fat and gristle on each rib. The fat can make the ribs more tender than baby back ribs.) Baby back ribs are smaller and less fatty than spareribs, but have more meat. St. Louis Cut ribs are spare ribs with the breastbone ”rib tips” removed. St. Louis cut rib racks are almost rectangular in shape and therefore cook evenly. (Find out how to trim spareribs St. Louis style here - http://www.bbq-book.com/news2006/html/october_2006.html).

Yes, barbeque tips. Many barbeque connoisseurs will argue that rib tips, bony and more heavily marbled, are the most flavorful of rib meats. They are also cheap. You do them pretty much as you would any ribs. Sprinkle with a dry rub (for example - 2 tbsp. paprika, 2 tbsp. light brown sugar, 2 tbsp. salt, 1 tbsp. ground red cayenne pepper, 1 tsp. dry mustard, 1 ground bay leaf), cook them on the grill 2-3 hours at about 300°F (relax, these DO take a long time), cut into 1” cross-cut strips, and serve with your favorite sauce.

If you barbeque anything, serve it with Wonder Bread.

Husk your corn and wrap it with butter, salt, and paprika in a double layer of foil. (With a double layer of foil, it won't burn. Removing the husk removes the risk of bugs, and rinsing it removes insecticides... cleaner, seasoned, and tastier though less picturesque).

☆☆☆☆☆ FIVE STAR recipe special: Gudrun’s Secret Simplified Rumaki appetizer (or meal even - see this blog’s posting for July 14, 2008).